First conversation. 

When a person asks you about your occupation,

“Oh, I drive a Mercedes but it’s a company car. So I don’t own it.”

VS

“Oh, I’m a driver for SBS bus.”

See the different ways we can describe a same occupation, as well as the heaven and earth miles judgement you’re giving the person..?

Well, to make it simple, people always judge so always has a really good start. Not say good or bad, or belittling on the Social Status. But yes, people tend to be shallow in the first place. It is just human nature, and nothing can change it. I have never believed when a person tell me that they don’t even judge a tiny bit, to me this means that he/she hasn’t been listening in the first place. Aka; they don’t care.

Sometimes, I think people are taking the word “Judge” too seriously. Hello, it can be either positive or negative, or just purely neutral. So, why so serious~?

I’m not afraid to admit tho. Even a person’s natural vibes will affect me. I don’t like talking to extremely negative people, because i know sooner or later they will run me down. Yes, I can be really friendly, but very selective. Recently, i learn this phrase “An Introvert doing Extrovert things”. Perfect description.

Whenever I just meet a stranger, of course we will have those what-you-are-doing-now kind of mandatory conversations. (Very, very boring) How the person talk about themselves, and how do they portray their exterior beauty is really important. All those heart-to-heart and  being transparent are part of the later story. I’m not referring to arroganance and assumption, but passion and keeping their life together. It is like a silent definition of yourself on the way you want to lead your life. And, I am a strong believer that once you are truly happy, people can feel it. Negative people just look very gloomy, and act like one too.

However, in every conversation, I always hated this question the most,” what do you like to do during your free time?”

Not only between friends, but apparenty employers love to be nosy as well. Worse still, studies even show that what you like to do during your free time show a lot about yourself. If you just referring to first sight, is this even logical…?

Come on, I can have my good and bad “free time” days. So, if im feeling great, of course the day will gonna be awesome even just by doing nothing. If i am grumpy, do you think i can still be jumpy and cheerful?

I mean, I can mention all kinds of interesting hobbies and bullshit my way through. Isn’t this defeating the purpose? I give you what you want to hear, but not what you need to have. One example, you buy a really cool gadget with the best word-packaging ever, but you open up and it turns out pretty lousy. You don’t get what you see. Get it? *roll eyes*

Plus, I always feel it plays an important part to know the person bit by bit. No matter how much a person can fake it in the first place, their true self will appear in time to come.

Anyways, why do this happen, and infact so frequently….? Superficial lor…

But then, passion and hobby is different thing. Remember that. You can have the best hobby ever, but that don’t speak a lot about yourself. However, passion is a powerful thing. You get the glow and positive vibes. And, to top it up with a cherry, you’re inspiring. Wow right… 😊

By the way, no one really cares about their first conversation. I don’t know for some people, but I just realise that I don’t. You know, this is one thing about straightforward bitch. The words just come out as the conversation flows, so basically equal to: No Content. Normally, that’s what happened to everyone, you just mingle for the sake of it and depends whether you guys will keep in contact. Up till now, I haven’t had any deep impression of first conversation with anyone before. Or, maybe is because I choose not to remember. (Don’t see the need to.)

Well, how do you expect a person to pour out everything on first meeting..? If he/she does, one is that she got friend issues; two is she tell everyone her issues. Not good. Of course, it is all depends on at-the-moment feeling. If you feel right, by all means, I believe even a person with the record breaking lowest EQ knows the difference.

First conversation is just like an interview to determine of you will welcome the stranger into your life. You can sense the siren alert when something feels wrong. So is either fist pump, or you block Facebook/Twitter/Instagram and sever all ties. (Now we have so much social media to fool around with, no wonder everyone turn to cyber friends instead.)

Some talk for the sake of talking, some talk for the sake of genuinely wanting to know the person. I’m a little of both. Or maybe, I should say I’m still waiting for someone that can surprise me. Good surprises of course, that makes me feel excited to welcome him/her.

Regardless friends or relationships. Things will fall nicely in place, so don’t worry. (I do believe this saying because it just happened to me recently.)

Best feeling ever.

Signing off,

Ayeannjee

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Fuck you, life

Is life fair… No, it sucks and love toying people around. 

You know, sometimes you question yourself, why is life so unfair. 

It seems like a typical drama script, but wait till you have encountered a true life story. 

For a husband, that dote on his wife so much. For a father, that always give the best to his children. For a man, that has the simplest wish.  And, for a stranger, that always show his concern with little words,” have you eaten?” 

He do not have the highest education, like other modern families, but is a lifelong learner. He scrimp and save, work day and night, to give his family the best life possible. I’ve never heard a word of complaint while knowing him 10 years and counting. From a stranger, year by year, to giving him a nickname.  I hate myself to become a coward, after knowing, and hiding because of the stupidest reason. I want to slap myself so badly, for not able to hold back. I want him well. Is that too much to ask for…? 

Can you imagine the heaviness when finally everything has fallen in place, but now missing one puzzle piece? His hard work paid off, and his biggest wish seems nearing in time to come. A little more, and he can enjoy the calming sea breeze. That’s his secret pastime. Now, so near yet so far, so close yet so hard to reach. 

He loves to joke, always entertaining his family with those jokes he heard on radio FM. He is understanding, not just to his own loved ones. He is a simple man, absolutely family guy. No matter what, he is the pillar. Whenever I go over, he is there. Always there. 

Somewhat, recently I realized when I’ve started to get comfortable with his presence. He is not just an uncle, but the uncle. One, that will wrench my heart to see his tired face. Just like how I will feel for my own father. One, that I’ll hope to see his everlasting wrinkled happy face. One, that I will pray for him the best, wholeheartedly. 

When future seems so fine, now become so blur. When his longing happiness is on its way, now become a battle race. 

When everything is becoming perfect, now has appeared a black scar. 

As much as I hate how fucked up the life has did to him, I pray for miracle to happen. Please, at least, until his wish come true. 

Hoping for the best, 

Ayeannjee

Disgusting

This whole world has become so disgusting, absolutely nauseous. 

No one can be trusted, eagle eyes are everywhere waiting for your downfall. 

Too masked, too nice, too disappointing, too unpredictable. 

Person beside you may have the most evil thought, but smiling most widely. Hurting you in a civilized way, too well trained. 

Can’t get a single shit out of my mind, am guilty of all thoughts that came into my mind. 

Words for thought

Last Friday, I’ve decided to queue up the exceptionally long wait to pay respect to Mr. Lee Kuan Yew. 

I am not here to say how much I’ve worshipped this man, and how much I’ve adored him. All these will stay on my heart, always. 

However, I came upon this incident. Which I felt that, Singaporeans are going overboard in accepting the kindness gestures from the volunteers. 

I was buying coconut ice cream to kill the humid weather, and overheard an auntie commenting,” the ice cream should be given free to us, not selling.”. 

The moment when I realized this: Singaporeans are starting to take thing for granted. 

At the start, we appreciate all the thoughtfulness and welfare from the donators and staffs. Annoymous forking out personal cash to buy all the “freebies”, and soldiers to build tents and first aids to ensure our body conditions. 

Maybe the soldiers aren’t doing this volunterily, but at least I dare to say they’ve done their best. I heard from my colleagues, who have done setting the tent before, one tent will take around 15-30 mins. And this is only applicable if you’re fast enough. Plus, one set of fully equipped tent is very, very heavy. 

Imagine, no Singaporeans are willing to step out to help in the chaotic situation, do you all think you can make it to parliament? 

Imagine, no Annoymous Donors, do you all think your hunger and thirst can last till to Parliament House? 

Imagine, no soldiers are willing to set up the tents, will your body able to take the extreme heat or rain? 

Did all Singaporeans appreciate all of this? 

No. Not everyone, sadly. As much as most of us appreciate and thankful for all the efforts made, but it is disappointing enough that some still make moronic comments. 

They sort of have lost their focus, which is to pay last respects to Mr Lee Kuan Yew. Instead, they look at the freebies and join in the “fun” crowd. People will always become an Ass for their greed. So they expect more, and become NATO ( Not Action Talk Only). Complaining the organizers aren’t doing a great job, complaining the freebies are cheapo. Complaining this and that, in the end they’re the one snatching all the bread and water. 

If you want to talk shit, then don’t take. If you want to take, then STFU. 

Lastly, I want to thank all the welfare staffs for taking such an awesome care to the public. Thank you kind donors for your drinks and bread. Thank you for the fans too. Thank you soldiers for building the tents and ensuring we are in good conditions. I can’t think of everyone to thank right now, because I haven’t had my coffee yet. But really, thank you so much. 

A book to thank for…

Recently, quite a number of shits have happened to me. Yet, I tell myself that things will definitely be fine in time to come.

This Too Shall Pass. 

Yes, true enough. I am thankful that life has not sentenced me to months of misery.I am grateful for all those friends that helped me through, my family to encourage me and tell me “it’s fine, don’t worry” and she who is the only one that knows I need this words the most ” Everything is going to be okay.”.

I know this is just simple words, but impactful. I don’t need a famous motivator to tell me that I can, it is total bullshit. I don’t even know you personally, why on earth should i pay and go to you for those expensive yet cheap words?

To me, it is the person who said it. And she, as always and ever, never disappoint me. It is not about the years, but the heart and connection.

So, I have been reading “Fifty Shades of Grey” and today, I have actually teared while reading the book.

I salute Ana for her courage and bluntness to tell Grey what she want through typing.

I salute Ana who stand firm in her ground of wants and needs, while I suppose other submissive would have long been floating with materialistic desires.

For the part that I teared about, it is touching and alluring.

I dare to say that at least a tiny part in every girl’s mind would urge to be the female leading. However, as this is a frictional story, so I believe that the author has a deep understanding to all the silent desires that most females are not willing to admit.

At that moment, I hope to be Anastasia Steele. I hope that I can have the warm hug to put me to sleep. I hope that I can have the telepathy that tell me that “I am here, you are not alone”. I hope that I can email “because you are not here…” and straight after my want would come true. I hope that when I wake up in the morning, and everything is not just a dream or my imagination. I hope to see those pair of soft and heartbreaking eyes that is meant for me. The warmth is real, and comforting.

After closing the book, everything ends. All these thoughts vanish away like thin air, and I am here sitting on the train waiting to alight at my stop.

Maybe the reason that brought me to tears while immersed in the reading, is that this has been well-kept in my heart ever since I decided to swallow all my feelings. I hate to be transparent to people, in order not to feel stupid. Ultimately, you are alone fighting your everyday battle. Your loved ones will be there, but fighting depend on self. Lonely, but challenging.

I have never read a book that has shook me so much.

This is truly, as per the highly graded worldwide phenomenon, a book that deserve a long thundering standing ovation.

WIth regards,

Ayeannjee