Monthly Archives: April 2017

I’m glad I still have this little space…

It has been so long since I decided to switch on my old laptop. A year, or two maybe? I’m not too sure, but I do miss the typing of my keyboard.

I’m surprised after all these while, I haven’t lost my touch yet, of moving my fingers with eyes at the screen. When I remember, last time I will take out my textbook and practice typing because I feel that my speed is too slow. Hardworking, isn’t it.. for nothing. My sisters thinking I have too much time in my hands. Literally. Get it…?

Sigh… ( I did let out a sigh when I was typing this four alphabets out.)

Life, makes me so exhausted. Something happened at home, make me see another side of life. All my past ranting about work, food, society aren’t that important anymore. I’ve experienced something I never thought I would. Nothing is more important that what I can cherish now. And, I hope time can stop clicking for me, just once. To let me figure out my perfect next step, and make everything last forever.

I used to anticipate the future, unknowing what will happen next sometime excites me. But not now. Fearing to know what will fate bring me in my future, thinking about the past and laughing how stupid I was to allow people to step over me.

Letting people make used of me, belittling me, thinking insults as jokes, forgiving people too easily, devaluation of myself, friends over family. Bull fucking shits.

I see enlightenment of many things, many that I didn’t bother to look in closely last time. Thinking, nah they meant the best for me… or not? I’m not too sure now.

I feel that society has twisted so many meanings that we thought it is normal to be the bad guys. It made me start to wonder, what is the true meaning and what is the grey zone.. Is it right, who does that, why they allow them to do this and etc.

I just feel so twisted and unfortunate to be living in this era, really. People feel proud that older generation couldn’t enjoy the advanced technology, or couldn’t take cool photos to upload in social medias. Couldn’t enjoy the new definition of high life, or finding ways to attract viewers to become Miss/Mr Popularity. Finding all kinds of absurd ways to fight a snippet in the cyber space.

I beg to differ.

People now are going crazy. They don’t see a problem with the current World .

Up till now, I can’t find the right word to describe my thought. It is stuck in my throat, like a bad phlegm. Can’t cough it out.

Honestly, I envy how things used to were. People enjoying the days they are living, doing things that are meaningful. And obviously, way healthier. I don’t see people falling sick, or dying young with terminal illnesses. I don’t see them slapping people in the public for nothing. I don’t see explosions anywhere out of a sudden. I don’t see people falling into depression and kill themselves.

Life was so peaceful back then.

Now, everything is going wrong. Yet, no one sees a problem with it. They are like patients in asylum, living in their own world.

No one is thinking that all those weird weathers, increase in natural disasters, extincting animal species, crime rates, man-made disasters are hints of a tragedy getting ready to happen. People hitting tabloid with the wrong reasons, and travelers embarrassing themselves in foreign land. And, they care more about the likes on social media, making money and escaping from reality. Everything is wrong.

Ugly is becoming the new beauty. Sadly.

It has disgusted me from inside out. Selfish is an understatement.

Friends and colleagues aren’t acting like the meaning in Oxford dictionary, families all eyes on their phones screen at home. Am I too narrow-minded?

I don’t think so.. Which makes me want to get out this superficial bubble. I don’t want all these to bother me, or staining me with their negativity. I hold firmly to what is really most important for me, and I thank time for letting me see the light.

My only wish now, is not for World Peace. I’m not participating in pageant. But is, for my family to stick with each other, healthy and blissful. Simple wish that need big efforts to come true…

 

 

Cheers,

Ayeannjee