Monthly Archives: December 2013

mental age

I guess alot of people have taken the mental age test from facebook. Or whatever source that test comes from.

I took it yesterday. And you know what, they predicted that my mental age is 16 years old. I took it in quite a bad way at first. For a person who is 21 currently, being 5 years younger mentally and not physically is kind of depressing. My friends told me it is just saying i am a carefree person, and nothing to stress about. Leading a good life, where my family pampered me and giving me as much freedom as possible. Then, on a second thought, this isn’t that bad after all.

Well, or i should say pros and cons

Pros is that i am still young at heart. Going for what i believe in, and striving for path that leads to happiness. Finding my interest, and change it into my lifetime career.

Cons will be childish// immature// people still treating me like a kid. 

Well, i have realised that “mature” is a very powerful word. When people comment “you’re so mature for your age”. It is a compliment that beat a thousand words. I don’t know how to describe it. Something like “fuck yeah, people take me seriously for now.”

Last time, i felt sad when my parents don’t take me seriously. Whatever comment i have, or anything i said, they will take it as a joke or left ear in and right ear out. So, purely ego issue, i started to prove them wrong. However, soon enough, you will think that it is pointless. It is just wasting your time and effort. Most importantly, you believe you are right. That’s enough. Nothing much more.

And, conclusion. My life is good. Well, honestly speaking, i got no burden like having to feed my whole family. Or, helping to pay school fees for me younger siblings. (That’s one of the benefits being the younger kid in the house yo.)

Maybe i have heard this from alot of my relatives. 

” Now you’re 21, must learn to be mature and settle down.”

Okay, not that i still want to be childish and live life as it is. However, settling down is not in my dictionary. For now. To me, i am still young and got ample time to pursue my dreams and etc. I do not want to be tied down, just because i am 21. 

To put it in a obnoxious way, “So?” 

Whenever my uncles or my aunts try to “remind” me that i have gotten the keys to adulthood, in my mind i will think “So what. Big deal.” 

This is the reason why they think i am very different from my sisters. They are the white angels, i am the dare devil. Fyi, i work hard and i play hard. At least i am not staying at home, shake legs and keep asking for money. 

fuck the test, why i let it affect me so much…? Such a nutcase.

 

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First time.

There is a lot of “first time”s in life for everyone. Some are unexpected, some are planned. Some are disastrous, some are memorable.

//Roller coaster//

I have experienced roller coasting on a trip to Universal studio with my girls. I’ve never thought that it was so scary. Before that, i am eager to try out, thinking it would be heart-throbbing exciting and fun. My first try, and i told myself, ” this will be my last. No doubt”. It was so scary and i feel myself going to die any minute, literally. Oh, that was my first time that my legs get wobbly too. 

Bad experience.

//Celebrating my mom’s birthday//

My mom isn’t a birthday person. So, when i was young, we will treat our born days as just a normal day pass by. However, as i grow older, i decided to give my mom a surprise. I bought a simple card. (Well, card was all i can afford during primary school days.) And wrote a essay of thank-you note for her. She read it, and thank-ed me.

Conclusion, tearing, heartfelt words don’t work on my family.

//Celebrating my own’s birthday in class//

When I was still in nursery, there was a on-going trend of giving away packets of snacks wrapped nicely to all your classmates. In return, you got a simple birthday song sang by the whole class. My parents knew I wanted it badly at that time, so they decided to make one for me. It was effing awkward. Worse decision in my life. 

I think that was the first time i’ve realised that i sort of hating attention to be focused on me.

//Embarrassing moment//

This is one of the most embarrassing moments that i cannot forget in my life. In my nursery days, i was addicted to ‘rock’ my chair. I don’t know the correct word to use. It is just sitting down with only 2 stands supporting the chair, if you can visualize it. So, i was happily eating my meal and doing my bad habit. And, i think i was too violent and “whoop”, i fell down backwards. My panty was totally exposed, cause of the ultimate mini skirt of my uniform. 

Worse, i couldn’t get up myself and needed help to pull my up. Worse moment ever.

//My chinese paper//

I grow up in a mandarin speaking family, and my mom is persistent that my sisters and myself score well in our Chinese language papers. Her mandarin is excellent, so we were educated that way since young. My average score for my chinese ever since primary was 90 and above. No lesser. Well, i became complacent and slacked down alot during my secondary years.

Can you imagine how shocking or dumbfounded I was when i saw the red inked “60” marked on my chinese exam paper?

I don’t even dare to show my mom. Well, i did get a really good scolding from her. Sigh. Only till then, i realised that I was only best in the basic, and totally uninterested to improve my mandarin at all. Tedious.

//My first part-time//

I have started working when i was about 14 or 15 years old? Maybe is being influenced from my sisters who started to be independent since young, and i decided to do the same. Well, I think this is the only good decision i’ve made during this 21 years of my life. Anyways, my first job was a flyer distributor. As easy as it sounds, i give out flyers in areas appointed to me. No brain-er job.

Earnings was like $30-$40 dollars, depending on per hour basis to finish my task. Integrity issue. I did not cut slack or get the easy way out. I worked hard, and felt accomplished when my boss gave me my first pay. However, he was a jerk. Only till years later, i realised that i can earn way more than that pathetic pay for the equally same amount of job.

F-you.

//My tattoo//

Okay, this is gonna be interesting. I have always wanted to get ink on my body. My pain tolerance is near to zero, but went ahead to do it anyway. My tattoo artist friend has warned me about skins that are always covered up by cloth will be quite painful. Well the thing is, i didn’t expect it to be fucking painful! The whole process was about 40 minutes, and i felt it is taking forever to finish.

When you are ink-ing, you will ask yourself,” why do you even want to go through this torture?”. Ironically, once you are done, you will say,” it is fucking worth it.”

I got a “This too shall pass” on the side of my body and a “Leo” sign on my hip. Second best decision i’ve ever made in my 21 years of life. Inking is addictive. However, Jasmine or my inner voice will talk me out of it” you better think twice if you want to get this ink on yourself. It is gonna be a lifetime thing. If you think there is maybe even a 0.1% chance that you will regret, better don’t do it.”

After that, i drop off the idea. But, i don’t mind getting some more though.

//Facial//

Bimbotic. My face got really bad during my puberty stage. Pimples all over my forehead, T-zone and my chin. It was disgusting. I can fully understand the feeling of wanting to cover up yourself so much to avoid stares from people.

Oh, i can remember once, one comment from my classmate makes me determined to take really good care of my face. ” You pimples are really disgusting, yucks”. Dafug.

So, i was determined to get back my smooth and pimple-free complexion. Washed my face daily, and buying all facial products. Soon, i feel that all these were not enough and went for a facial treatment. The feeling was so good. They pamper your delicate face, cleansing all impurities, removing black heads, and masked. I feel like heaven, and you will feel your skin to be shining, smooth and soft.

Even now and then i go for a one-time facial, i will compare and still feels that my first-time was the best ever.

//Bicycle fall//

Once, i was into cycling alot. So, almost everyday when the weather is good, i will bring my bike and go to the nearby neighborhood for a quick ride. So, there was this sibling. Come to think of it, they should be crazy. I was happily cycling on my own, and suddenly i saw them chasing after me. 

Of course, i was panicked and try to escape from them. I lose them a few times, but they are like hunters keep on appearing behind my back. In the end, i lost focus and tripped on a lump out of nowhere. They were shocked and went off. An uncle looked at me, and gave me a thumb-up.

Up till now, i still cannot understand what have i done to piss them off. Crazy people everywhere.

//Slap//

My parents have a policy in their teaching to us. Slapping is forbidden. They will cane, scold and nag, but never slap. I was being rebellious once, and decided to join Chinese Orchestra behind their backs. They got so angry, and reprimanded me for not discussing with them. Well, actually I don’t understand why they are so mad about it. So i talked back, and my mom just slapped me across the face. 

I was so stunned. Jaw dropped, and i cried so hard.

I assumed is because my words of use were inappropriate so my mom couldn’t stand it anymore. I forgot what i said, but given for my temper, I must have said something unpleasant and disrespectful. So, my bad. 

That was the first and only time. Never again. I’ve realised that talking to them nicely and convinced them is way better to piss them off. More to my benefits. When you get older, you get smarter. *Ding*

Well, that’s about it. Not much more memorable. More to add soon!

 

 

Thinking back,

Freakfeelings

 

Ang.

I am a very ‘random’ person. From the things i do to the food i crave.

i think i have said this alot of time, but i am a person that do things according to my mood.

Sometimes, i will want to go out alone. Slack at a quiet corner, and read a book. Sometimes, i feel like traveling alone. Going to places that i haven’t been to yet, and explore on my own. Sometimes, i  wish i am invisible to everyone and minding my own business.

I will get emotional, and think out of space. Day-dreaming in public places, and miss my bus or train. I will get hyper, and doing all stupid stuffs. Get really chatty with people i am comfortable with. Tired, i will shut my myself down mentally. 

I will go ahead and satisfy my cravings. No matter how late the time is, or how far the place is.

Looking at places with my favourite food, and good company.

I am straightforward. Unintentionally. People get offended by my words. It is just hard for my not to voice out my thoughts. Asking me for opinion is like digging your own grave. In fact, i am the kind of person that hope friends to be truthful about me. No matter good or bad. I hate beating around the bush.

I am judgmental. To the people that i first met. This is a bad thing. This is why i feel that first impressive is very important. I keep my thoughts to myself, and see if i am right. Bitchy. 

I hate being unappreciated. Faking to like a person and talking to them. My expression is like a naked face. Never hide, or even try to. My favourite action is to turn back and roll my eyes, mouthing “What the fuck” on my lips. Even though my face may not say anything, my attitude will surely do.

My integrity levels mark according to the situation, and of course my mood.

I feel awkward having to open a conversation with a person i’ve just met. To me, if you don’t know what to say, then i rather both of us just stare in blank or keeping ourselves busy with our handphones. Unless i am drunk, you will see my being very friendly. Or maybe, a fun person.

I like to go missing in action for a while to charge myself up, come back and get on to life.

I am not as bold as i look. I am afraid to welcome the new. In fact, i think i hate changes. Always stuck in the old me.

I am self-centered. And do what i want, even regardless of my family opinions.

Last but not least, this is what i always scold myself.

“What a bitch, seriously”

 

 

-Freakfeelings