Yesterday, I broke down. Cried really hard. Feeling lousy and shitty about myself.
Thinking hard, trying to figure why. I can’t. Nothing go through my mind, only know that my eyes keep on tearing up. Pile of tissue beside me. Me, lying on the bed. Eyes stoning at the ceiling.
“Why am I feeling so lousy?”
“Why am I doing this?”
“Why can’t I get my mind straight, and move on?”
These few questions keep repeating in my mind. I cannot stand it anymore, and decided to head out to clear my mind.
I felt better. Talking to friends, hoping I can clear this off my mind. I laughed and joked. Have the appetite again, to eat my dinner. And, I am back being the happy side of me again.
Now, I am scared being left alone. The feeling sucks. It is like someone has abandon you, and disappear in your life. No pillar to support you.
Mindfucking myself with all sort of negative thoughts. Opening up to someone isn’t an option for me anymore.
I need to get out of the emptiness inside me.