When I was young, I’ve always been a crybaby.
Even the slightest thing will make me cry very very hard, regardless i was happy or sad.
I remember once when i watched “Lilo and Stitch” for the first time, i cried so hard till i was breathless. My eyes were so puffy, and felt so tired.
However, as i grow up, i have started to cry lesser and lesser.
Not that i am trying to be tough or put on a strong front, just is because i feel that crying is pointless. It is wasting your time, and letting yourself to be stuck in the sad past.
Not only that, i hate the after effect of crying. Dry and puffy eyes, lethargic, breathless and feeling stupid.
Maybe is because of my family.
My family background is unlike those whose parents will show their love to their children with kisses and praises. I have never experienced a kiss from my parent before, or hearing them say’ I love you, my darling’.
They show their love and appreciation to me through actions, not just words.
Same goes to my sisters, i can easily count with my hand of the times i have seen them crying. Well, i think is the gene in my family that tears don’t flow down easily in the Ang-Neo family.
Some told me that crying help to vent out the anger and unhappiness inside you. After that, you will feel better and easier to move on.
I beg to differ.
I feel that crying will become a habit. A bad habit, that you will opt to whenever shits happen.
Like i’ve said earlier, i cried for almost everything. To get things my way, watching dramas, angry, sad and etc…
Okay, I admit that i was a spoiled child when i was younger.
For example, when i was young, i always wanted to get snacks while out with my mom. My mom said no, i would start wailing and throw tantrum. Sometimes, my mom will give in. Or, i should say, most of the times. (I’m such a bitch. Yucks)
So, ever since then, i knew that things will go in my way once i cry. And, i became the worst child ever that all parents will want to avoid.
Oh, another incident. Just started my schooling in kindergarden, and i hate it so much. So, during the first few days (i think), i kept on crying and yelling for not wanting to be in school.
The teacher had no choice but to advise my mom to bring me home. I still remember i got the cheeky smile on me. Yeah, like seriously…
So, i used this tactic again after the next few days. My mom got so angry that she just left without turning back.
I sat on the floor, and kept on crying. Oh gosh, it was so damn embarrassing.
Well, i cannot recall what happened after that. However, i am pretty sure that i should be being brought back into the class by my form teacher.
Anyways, i was really the worst nightmare that my parents can ever have in their life.
Yeah, even though i hated myself for being such an asshole, but these examples have proven my point. “To make things go in your way”
Or maybe, i starting to hate this hypocrites that make use of crying to get attentions from people.
One incident i will never forget is during my primary school, around 10 or 11 years old.
I can remember every single details. So here goes…
You know like there is always the “Clique” thing in school, whereby you mix around with classmates that you are comfortable with. So, i was with this group of girls and go around doing crazy things.
There is one particular girl, whom i sort of hate her. First, she is wayang and ALWAYS CRYING.
I think even an ant die, she will start her drama crying. *Roll eyes*
Okay, we were late for our lesson after recess. You can imagine a group of crazy girls with messy hair flying around dashing across the hall way back to class before the teacher reaches.
So, we settled down when we reached. I was minding my own business and daydreaming when THAT WAYANG GIRL suddenly came up to me and stepped my shoes.
I was like,:” WTF! are you crazy?”
Especially, at that time, i just bought my new pair of white coloured school shoes. How dare she step on it. I am still pissed when i thought of this.
She just maligned me that i tripped her over while we were running, and ignored her.
My temper was fucking bad at that time, so i confronted her. I think i was totally in my own world that i didn’t even realised that my chinese teacher came in.
Then she started crying. I didn’t, cause i was super mad at that time.
Oh ya, it was my favourite chinese teacher cause he always doted on me. He was funny and comical. Always making us (or, at least me) to enjoy his lesson throughout.
Moving on. She started crying, but i got so mad that i didn’t stop quarrelling with her.
The chinese teacher came up to us, and asked us to stop. I think i was crazily mad, and ignored him. And, i don’t understand why he wanted to raise his hands and slap me. Until now, i just cannot get it at all.
Anyways, i went back to my seat and glared at the girl during the whole lesson.
I can remembered myself saying this;” Always use crying to attract attention. So fake.”
Anyways, that was the past.
No point getting angry for nothing. However, can see that how bad tempered i was. Even in primary school.
Maybe that was the spark point that makes me hate crying so much.
Alright, got to go. Bye!
Signing off,
Freakfeelings
Ayeannjee. 